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Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

His Review:

Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) is a successful business man.  He is single and doesn’t have much of a public personal life.  In fact, he is practically a mystery to everyone who knows him.  When Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) interviews Mr. Grey by her roommates request, she enters a world she never knew existed.  Mr. Grey’s dominant personality is instantly attracted to Ana’s innocent nature and not before long, the two are embarking on a sexual journey that is full of discovery and pain.

As a disclaimer, I just want to say that I did not read the book and after seeing this movie, I’m so glad I didn’t.  This movie is a disaster!  It is probably the worse movie I’ve ever seen!  I recently watched The Boy Next Door starring Jennifer Lopez (2/10 Stars), and I stopped to ask myself which I would rather watch again if forced, that movie or 50 Shades, and I couldn’t honestly answer.  50 Shades of Grey is so bad on so many levels it is hard to find a place to start!

First off, this movie is flat out BORING!  Most of the scenes are contrived of events that do not progress the thin weak story.  About 1/3 of this movie is spent watching these 2 people have sex.  Sex scenes in movies are one of the most annoying things to watch because it adds nothing to the story and here it is in abundance!  I guess it doesn’t matter here because there isn’t much of a story to begin with, but once we get to the 6th and 7th sex scenes, it stops being a true “movie” and instead can be labeled as softcore porn (and that’s even with some people saying this is playing it safe!)  When these 2 aren’t having sex, we are subjected to horrible acting from unknown leads.  They have little chemistry and present us with 2 characters we don’t want to invest in.  That’s pretty much the movie!  It’s so sad that the numerous sex scenes, in a movie about sexual domination and bondage, will bored you to death (sense my sarcasm), and if that doesn’t, the acting sure will!  What does “50 Shades of Grey” mean anyways…

I want to now talk about the one aspect of this movie we all will have an opinion on and that is the main subject matter; Christian’s domination over Ana.  I have to say that I was appalled as I learned what this movie was truly about (remember, I didn’t read the books.)  They expect me to believe an innocent virgin, who had pretty much no sexual experience prior, is just going to go along with everything this strange man suggests?  The way Christian talks to Ana reminds me of the way I talk to my dog!  He says degrading crap and constantly reminds Ana that he is a gift to her and he owns her.  How many times did we need to hear him say “I don’t sleep with my girls” or “It’s not my thing”?  Are you kidding me?!?!?  What is even worse is that she lets him do this and lets him think this behavior is charming.  To use my analogy once more, she responds to him just like my dog does!  My female dog drops to her back with her legs spread the moment I step in the house so I can pet her belly.  That is exactly how Ana acts!  “Oh, hey Christian, glad you are home, pet me now!”  So stupid!  She must have a pretty low self-esteem if she thinks it is attractive for a guy to treat her like garbage!  I don’t get why so many women eat this crap up?!?!  Several women say they wish this would happen to them but in reality, if this actually happened, I see lawsuits, restraining orders and jail time in any man’s future who acted this way.  I guess that is why Christian wants Ana to sign a legal document before starting their sessions.  On the flip side, Men are going to hate this movie/story for how unrealistic it is.  All men know that bold behavior to a complete stranger is most often looked at as pig-headed and jerkish.  With all the women’s rights movements over the last 100 years, I’m shocked that now women sit back and say “sure come treat me like a stupid play toy!”  YEAH RIGHT!

The only sparkle of something good about this movie is the end.  I find it ironic that I liked the ending so much because when the movie was over, many of the people in the theater (women) let out a collective groan of displeasure (similar to the same one I had for Gone Girl.)  I say irony because of the movie Gone Girl.  I loved Gone Girl up until the very end at which time I felt a huge wave of disappointment come over me, yet in 50 Shades, I hated it so much that the ending left me feeling better (but not by much.)  Why did the ending make me happy?  The ending was something I enjoyed because the event at the end was the first “right” thing that happened all movie long!  It took any horrible message sent at the beginning and sent a completely different message.  A good message.  A positive message.  Sure many women out there are going to hate the end, but that is because they live in a fantasy world, and here in reality, the ending is perfect!

With a new outlook on the world after my daughter was just born 3 weeks ago, I would hope that no woman on Earth would wish to be treated this way.  Sure, I can understand it if this kind of behavior is only in the bedroom between 2 people who have been in love for quite some time, but these 2 characters are strangers who play this game non-stop!  I’ll say this one more time… 50 Shades of Grey is the worst movie I’ve every seen, and that is a huge statement since I see a lot!  I think I would rather see The Boy Next Door again then watch this dull, degrading, garbage.

2/10 Stars – Horrible acting, horrible story, horrible characters and more importantly, horrible message!

 

2 Comments on “Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

  1. Pingback: Fifty Shades of Black (2016) - Reel and Unscripted Movie Review Reel and Unscripted Movie Review

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